Missing Cawds
by Minnet
Summary: Luxord wakes up to find his cards missing and searches for them. Rated for cursing. Dialogue additions in Chapter Two for Demyx, Axel, and the shadowy figures. Oooo. Kinda humorous story. Yes the name changed.
1. Where Are My Bloody Cawds?

**This chapter was just edited a little. Nothing too different.**

This is my first story. I didn't think there were enough stories for Luxord on the site, and he's one of my favorite Organization members. Actually, they're all pretty much my favorite, sort of. I can't decide. But, anyways, Luxord's cards are stolen. Who could have done it?

This was originally going to be a one-shot, but I got too involved in the writing and kept making things longer, adding more descriptions or more dialogue or whatever.

And the Axel and Roxas things, not yaoi. Sorry. But, if you really want to think of the fishing trip that way, go ahead. I don't care.

I don't own _Kingdom Hearts_, which is sad, because I so wouldn't have killed off Axel (he was my favorite character) and I would have given the Organization members more screen time if I did own it. :)

- - -

Once upon a time (had to put in the cheesy opening line), there was a Nobody named Luxord. Luxord was quite awesome, but his 'awesomeness' wasn't very well recognized by the fan girls of the world, so the author decided to write (type) her own about him. This is how it begins.

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On a certain morning (night, since it's always dark out), in the World That Never Was, Luxord woke up from his sleep and had an overwhelming urge to play cards. Any game, it didn't even matter. Solitaire, Crazy 8s, Speed, whatever. He just wanted to play cards. Upon realizing he had this urge, he climbed out of bed (already prepared for the day ((night))--he slept in his Organization coat just in case he had to get out of bed during the ((perpetual)) night) he walked over to his desk, on the wall opposite his bed.

Luxord looked for his last pack of cards. Last pack? Yes. The author will explain the situation. Two weeks before this day, Luxord had approximately seventeen packs of playing cards, all of different styles and such. Over the past couple of weeks, his collection of playing cards had diminished. How? Every few days, a pack or two or four would disappear and Luxord would go on a hunt for them. He found them destroyed or ruined in various manners. The cards had been found soaked through with water, used as target practice it looked like (as some had little holes in them from what could have been kunai knives), some were just plain cut up, others had holes burned in them (the nine of diamonds had nine little holes burned in it where the diamonds used to be), and the list goes on.

As you can imagine, Luxord was very aggravated by this. Well, not really aggravated, enraged, actually. As enraged as a Nobody can be, that is. But he was a polite, English gentleman, he couldn't let his rage and frustration show. It wouldn't have been proper. Each time a pack went missing, he walked (and sometimes teleported) around Castle Oblivion for a good part of the day, hunting for the cards. Eventually, he always found them ruined, as stated above.

It looked like today would be no different. But this was his last pack of cards! How would he go on? His weapon was, after all, his cards. How would he tell Xemnas that his cards, his weapon was gone? He didn't really have to, he could have just used his gambling winnings to go down the canyon, across the valley, and through the forest of evil, evil trees to the Quikki Mart to buy some new cards there. But, he didn't want to. (The camera then cut to a shot of Luxord resting his weight on one foot, his arms crossed over his chest, and a defiant look on his face, which was then looking up to his left. He looked set in his ways.) He decided to search for the cards, instead of buying new ones, because that walk to the Quikki Mart just wasn't worth it.

Luxord, now out of his 'defiant position' was currently slamming his fist down on his desk. "Bloody Hell! Now I hahve to go look for mai cawds again," he said, saying the 'gain' part of 'again' just like 'gain'. Funny how that works out. Now, the author decided to not make his accent appear in the text and let it read like he's from the Midwest, like she is. The reader can still think of him speaking with a British accent, though, if he or she pleases. Luxord, now bored of hurting his poor desk, realized he had a job to do, and quickly left his room, embarking on his mission.

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Outside of his room, in the white, white hallway (had to point out the whiteness of the hallways; everybody's doing it!), Luxord began his now, dramatically called, 'quest' for his cards. Getting exciting now. He decided the first place he was going to look, was at the top of the castle… That's Roxas's room, because all the members, at this point, had their own room on the floor of the castle relating to their status in the Organization. That's why it's Organization XIII; they didn't have any more floors to the castle, so they had to stop after they recruited Roxas.

But, back to the plot, Luxord ran up the stairs to the thirteenth floor, where Roxas's room was located, as previously typed. Luxord finally reached the top of the staircase and was panting, since he ran up the stairs and all. He is, after all, desperate to find his cawds. Yes, cawds. He then walked from the staircase to the door, opposite the stair top, and knocked. In this story, the characters are polite and knocked, instead of just randomly entering rooms without warning. Or maybe it's just that Luxord is an English gentleman and had to knock, because it wouldn't be polite and he'd feel shamed if he didn't. That's not the point, though. The point is that he knocked and Roxas answered, in his voice that was strangely similar to Jesse McCartney's. Connection? Psht. **No**. Back to the plot, _again_.

"Who is it?" a voice a lot like Jesse McCartney's asked.

"It's Luxord."

"O. Just a minute…" Roxas answered, and ran over to the door (cursing on his way over, after he tripped on his dirty robe from yesterday), unlocking and opening it. "What do you want?" he asked, somewhat haughtily.

"Don't take that tone with me, XIII, I am, after all, your superior," he spoke, as he strode past Roxas, into the boy's room. The youngest, newest Nobody made a face behind Luxord's back. And then, Number X spoke again, while inspecting the objects that the shelves on Roxas's walls held, "I was just wondering if you've seen my cawds. My last box seems to have gone missing."

"Nope. Haven't seen them, just like all the other decks. But, I really don't see why you don't just go down the canyon, across the valley, and through the forest of evil, evil trees to the Quikki Mart to buy new cards. This is the, what, the sixteenth box in two weeks? Just buy some more."

"**Seventeenth **box," Luxord seethed. "And the answer to your question: the trip there wouldn't be worth it." He picked up a picture of Roxas and Axel after a day of fishing in Atlantica. The author decided to let the reader figure out what the pair caught, but she'll hint that there were two redheads that day, and neither was alive. He looked longingly at it, wishing he had a friend as good as Axel is to Roxas. Not really, that's more or less there because the author thought it might be slightly humorous to type **that **sentence and then call it off with **this **sentence.

"Dude… it's not like it matters," Roxas replied to Luxord while plucking the picture out of his hands and placing it back on the shelf, where his and Axel's other pictures were. "They were just cards. I'm sure any would suffice. I've even got my own that I could lend to you, if you want…"

"Kind of you to offer, but I'll have to pass, for now. The ones that were stolen today (tonight) were… sentimental to me, in a way. If, by chance, I find them in good condition, would you be up for a game of ERS later?" Luxord wasn't all too fond of the boy, but he didn't dislike him, either. He didn't really mind any of the Nobody's he lived with, in fact, and tried not to be too cold to any of them, mainly because it wasn't polite (remember, he's a gentleman) and if he was rude to them, he wouldn't have anyone to play cards with.

"Not tonight. Axel and I were going to go to the Pride Lands, possibly with Marluxia and Demyx. We're going to tease the monkeys in the oasis," Roxas informed with a sly smirk.

"Ah, sounds like fun. I've never really been fond of animals, myself. Would you mind my company?"

"I don't, but Axel might."

"I see. Speaking of, do you know where he is? Maybe he's the one that robbed me of my cards…"

"No. I haven't seen him today. He's supposed to show up soon, though, we were gonna play _Soul Calibur II."_ Roxas indicated the Gamecube hooked up to the TV sitting in the large pit that made up the center of his room._ "_If you see him, could you send him up?"

"Yes. And, if you could give me the answer about taunting the monkeys before dinner, I'd be very happy," the tall blonde said, while walking back to the door of the room.

"No, you wouldn't be happy. You'd be pleased. Happiness is an emotion. We don't have those," the boy said, with a smile, to Luxord before he slipped out the door.

"I know, that. Good day to you." Once out of the room, Luxord stomped his foot before descending the staircase, to the twelfth floor, where lived the feared Larxene.

'_Whatever god is out there, please, spare my soul from her torture…'_

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Once again, being the gentleman he was, Number X of Organization knocked on the door of The Savage Nymph. There was no answer the first time, so he persisted and knocked again. Soon after a female's voice was heard from inside.

"_Who _the Hell is out there, and _what _the Hell do you want!" Not too pleasant of an answer, right?

In his gentlemanly British accent, Luxord replied, "It's Luxord and I have to ask you something."

"Whatever. Come in." Instead of being a polite hostess, Larxene didn't open the door for Luxord, but forced him to open it himself. How rude. It didn't matter to him, though, all he wanted was his deck of cards. "What do you want?" the blonde woman asked, looking over from throwing her knives at a dart board to acknowledge Luxord's entry.

Luxord looked around the room. He almost never went in there, so he decided to take in his surroundings. Her room was a little bit larger than Roxas's, since room size increased with rank. That didn't mean that the rooms were small, though. No. They were more like apartments, and even the smaller ones were about the size of a pent house. O, yes, the Organization members lived in luxury. Back to Larxene's room, though. Across from the door was a long book shelf, and along the right wall was a large bed with light grey blankets and sheets. The walls were dark grey and the carpet black. Taking up almost the entire left wall was an overly large dartboard. Number X, The Gambler of Fate, guessed it was about thirty feet long and ten feet tall (it was rectangular). There was a very small red area in the middle and all but one of her darts were located in the center of it. One struck the wall, about three inches above the 'board'.

Larxene walked over, moved a stepstool, located to the right of the board, under the lone dart and removed it. She noticed he was staring at it. "This was the one I threw when you knocked the second time. You threw off… my aim," she spoke through clenched teeth and with a scowl on her face. "Now… _what _do you want?"

"O, sorry? But, at least I knocked before I entered. I could be like Demyx and run in at the most inconvenient of times, unannounced. I didn't come to do that or tell you this, though… The only reason I'm here is to see if you took my last pack of cards? Or, if you've seen them, at least?" he inquired hopefully.

"Nope. Haven't seen your fucking cards. Not that I'd care, anyways. If I found them, after this, I'd just use them for target practice," Larxene replied with a malicious smirk. They didn't call her The Savage Nymph without reason. "Besides, why don't you just go down the canyon, across the valley, and through the forest of evil, evil trees to the Quikki Mart and buy some new cards?" she asked this with a dumbfounded look on her face.

"Because it'd be a waste of my time," Luxord replied curtly and then made his way to the door. After leaving and closing the door, Larxene mumbled something along the lines of , "And looking around the castle isn't a waste of your time…?" He was glad to be out of there, though. Larxene always made him nervous, and not in a good way. In the way where he wasn't sure whether she was going to freak out on him any second. That's beside the point, though, now isn't it? Marluxia's room was next.

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He wasn't exactly fond of Marluxia, but, then again, he didn't really mind him, either. Since Marluxia mostly kept to himself, flowers, and Larxene, he never really had time to 'bother' Luxord. Not that he could. Luxord was far too calm and collected to **be** bothered; all part of gambling. Keep your poker face.

He knocked on Marluxia's door.

"You may enter," came a voice from inside. Upon entering, the scent of flowers assaulted Luxord's nostrils. It wasn't a bad smell, but he just wasn't exactly used to it. Marluxia's room didn't even have that many plants. He had a few plants here and there, two small potted trees on either side of his bathroom entrance, some vine plants hanging from the ceiling, and a kind of flower Luxord was unfamiliar with (six in a chocolate-colored flower pot on Marluxia's desk, and a few more in another flower pot of the same color on his bedside table). There was also a bouquet of freshly cut red roses on his glass coffee table. The walls of the room were a beige color and the carpeting a darker shade of beige, with a cappuccino colored rug in the center of the room. Marluxia couldn't stand it when colors didn't match, which is why he had sheets and pillowcases the same color as his rug and blankets the color of his walls on the bed, at the back of the room beside the bathroom.

"Ah, Luxord. Why are you here? Something important I hope, otherwise you're wasting my time," Marluxia spoke, looking up from sorting the magazines and books in his desk.

"Wasting your time that you use organizing books? You could do this **anytime**. But, the reason why I'm here, it's important to me. I've lost my last deck or cawds. Well, it's not actually lost, but it's stolen, I'm guessing. Would you know anything about my missing cawds?"

"I know nothing of your _cawds_," Marluxia said in a bored drawl. "But, Xigbar **did **seem excited about something today (tonight) when I was down in the kitchen. Perhaps he knows something and you could ask him?"

"That information may be useful to me. Thank you. And, are you really going to the Pride Lands with Roxas, Axel, and Demyx tonight to torture the monkeys?" Luxord asked incredulously. He was surprised that Marluxia would partake in such 'childish' behavior, no matter how sadistic he was. "It doesn't really seem like something _you'd_ like doing."

The other man looked up from his magazine/book organizing and Luxord could have sworn he saw his eyes 'twinkle' beneath his pale rose colored bangs. "Why, yes, I plan on going. I _detest_ monkeys; especially the way they flounce around so **happy**! Although, I could have asked for better company than Demyx. He'll scare all the monkeys away if he brings that sitar of his. Why? Were you going to come, too?"

"I asked Roxas if I could. He said he had to okay it with Axel, first, though. Have you seen _him_?"

"No."

"Alright, then. Thanks for the advice on whom might have my cawds, too," Luxord said while departing.

"I really don't see why he doesn't just go down the canyon, across the valley, and through the forest of evil, evil trees to the Quikki Mart to get some new cards, though…" Marluxia trailed off while continuing to organize his possessions. "It seems such a waste of time to look around the castle all day for them… like he's done for his other packs the past few weeks." He sighed. "Well, whatever cooks _his _goose."

- - -

That was the first part. Hope it was at least a little bit funny.


	2. Racist!

Rawr. Second installment. I forgot to mention, the Org. members will probably seem out of character, too, because I never got to play _Chain of Memories_, so, sorry about that. And, I'm not sure if Castle Oblivion was in The World That Never Was, so I just put it there. I also don't know the setup of the castle, so I made my own and added stuff that probably wasn't there in the game. So there, bitches.

**missgoo93**: Thanks for the honesty. I didn't think it was that good, either. :D

**Lily Vendrem and Takarifan101**: Thanks for the reviews. They're much appreciated.

Disclaimer: Sadly, I still don't own _Kingdom Hearts_. It'd be nice if I did, though.

- - -

As we last left off, Luxord had just exited Marluxia's (terribly organized) room. He was on his way to the room of, none other than Number IX, The Melodious Nocturne. But most people like to call him Demyx. On Friday nights, though, he's known as Roy, to his poker buddies in Twilight Town, but none of the other Nobodies know this. He's secretly training to become better than Luxord is at poker. But that's a story for another time. Back to the actual story.

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Luxord was so caught up in his search for his cards that he almost knocked on his own door, when he reached the tenth floor. Instead, he shook his head and smiled slightly to himself, then continued on his way to the next room. Down the stairs was Demyx's room. Also on this floor of Castle Oblivion were some snack machines. Just in case any of the members got hungry on their way up the stairs and wanted something. The prices were outrageous, though. There was a second set of machines on the fourth floor, and a third set in the lobby on the ground floor. Yes, a lobby.

Snacks aside, Luxord knocked on Demyx's door. Remember, he's a gentleman. He could hear the higher ranked Nobody playing a song with his sitar, but then stop when he heard the knock.

"What!"

"It's Luxord. May I come in?"

"Meh… sure, whatever." Demyx then started playing the song from before. The song was Taking Back Sunday's _You're So Last Summer, _off of their CD _Tell All Your Friends._ Nothing like advertising one of your favorite bands, right? The author will express her confusion with the next question. How can Demyx play a song on his sitar, when he's only got three cords? Beginning of _Smoke on the Water, _maybe? Happy day!

Luxord rolled his eyes when he walked in. "I don't see why you play that garbage. Why not play a classic, like _Stairway to Heaven _or _Penny Lane, _or something by The Rolling Stones?"

Demyx stopped playing and looked up at Luxord. "You just don't like Taking Back Sunday because they're not British. It's not the fact that the song isn't a 'classic' yet. Trust me, ten years from now, this song **will **be a classic, and everyone will love it like they love _Stairway to Heaven; _except not that much... You're just racist… against American bands and music!" The younger blonde man, with hair that was a strange combination between a really wide mohawk and a mullet (a 'mul-hawk'), stuck his tongue out at Luxord and then started playing _You Really Got Me_, a hit by The Kinks. "**British **enough for ya? **Classic **enough for ya?" he asked Luxord, sarcastically.

"Sure. It doesn't really matter, now, though, as I'm not here to comment on what songs you play or how well you play them." The younger blonde looked up with a slightly irritated look on his face. "I'm here to know if you've taken my last deck of cawds, and if you have taken them, I want them now," Luxord stated calmly, after all, **he's a gentleman.** Getting sick of that, yet? _Good_.

Demyx stared at him for about two seconds, pausing the playing of the song to do so, then went back to playing. "Nope, haven't seen them. Which also means that I didn't take them. You've asked me every time your cards have disappeared, and I don't like it! Why do you always blame me? It's rude!" Demyx whined.

"I don't. I ask everyone. Except for Saïx… That man gives me the willies," Luxord said, rubbing his left arm and looking over his shoulder, in a manner that very much suggested paranoia.

The younger man laughed at him and set his instrument down. "Yeah, same here. Ever since I put that piece of chalk in his coffee, he's been kind of icy towards me, even though that's Vexen's job," he said with a shrug,both at the conversation and the (bad) pun. "I _might _have some idea of who took them... Well, more a guess, than anything... **IT WAS AXEL**!one!"

"Yeah, I figured that in the first place. But Marluxia also said that Xigbar seemed… excited about something, so it may have been him. Either way… Wait, that was_ you_ that put the chalk in Number VII's coffee?"

The blonde musician nodded, while grinning slyly. "Have you asked Saïx at all? Any of the times your cards have been stolen?" Demyx questioned.

"No… As I said, I'm freaking afraid of him."

"Maybe you'll have to check his room this time. It could be him. Maybe he's really some devilish prankster and was just waiting for the right time, for the right joke?" Demyx said, and laughed hysterically at Luxord's expression for Demyx suggesting he search Saïx's room or even _talk_ to him.

"You're a bastard, and that's not funny. I refuse to go into Saïx's room," Luxord said, with an indignant look.

Demyx sighed laughter and then got up from the couch he was on, going over to his dresser and looked for something inside. "Well, I'm going swimming, so you'll just have to leave, now. I don't like people in my room when I'm not here."

"Not that I would _want_ to be in your room while you're gone... I don't want to know what kind of... 'sick' things you keep in here," Number X told him.

"Then you can leave right now, for all I care," Demyx replied, waving him off with his hand, while continuing to root through his dresser with the other.

"But I can't leave yet..."

"And _why_ is that?" asked the musician skeptically, searching a, now, fourth drawer of his 'rather' unorganized dresser.

"Well, I've got something to tell you! Some good advice for you," Luxord hinted.

"What might that be?" the younger blonde asked, then grinned, after he (finally) found his swimming trunks in the fifth drawer, holding them up in front of him.

"It _might_ just be, that Larxene said something about going down to the pool after practicing her aim. Water and lightning don't mix… just remember that, while you two are in the pool together." Demyx dropped the swimming trunks he'd pulled out of his drawer before Luxord spoke, and got a frightened look on his face.

"On second thought… I think I'll just sit here and play some more music, maybe tune my sitar... It sounded a bit out of key…" said Demyx nervously, as he pictured himself in the pool, getting electrocuted by Larxene. Luxord smirked and started walking back towards the door.

"I'll be leaving then."

"Fine… And, have fun with Saïx. Just remember… he gets cranky in the afternoons, so be sure you make it down there soon…" Demyx spoke and laughed again.

"You're still a bastard," Luxord called before closing the door.

Demyx smiled evilly. Is it possible for Demyx to smile like that? He always seemed so clueless in the game… He mumbled something to himself. It sounded a lot like "Why not just go down the canyon, across the valley, and through the forest of evil, evil trees to the Quikki Mart? Seems easier to me… I have to get ready for the Pride Lands anyways... sigh" But that's just Demyx mumbling to himself. He really doesn't know what's going on.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**In the Hallway:**

Snickering is heard from behind (yes, behind) the snack machines, as Luxord exited the room of Number IX and headed for the stairs leading to the eighth floor. Two shadowy figures (ooo, suspenseful) snuck out from behind the snack machines and laughed hysterically to each other, ya know,once the blonde was out of sight, down the stairs, and knocking on Number VIII's door, of course.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

And it's there that we, again, meet our hero (of this short story, I mean, Sora's the _real_ hero). Luxord knocked three times on Axel's door, and there was no answer. He waited for a little while, enough, he expected, for Axel to quit whatever he was doing and answer the door. No such thing happened, though. He knocked harder and waited again. Still, no answer. He decided to open the door (if unlocked) and look through Axel's stuff. Even if it was locked, he could just open a portal to enter if he _really_ wanted to. He's only not being a gentleman if it's breaking and entering. But it wasn't. The door was unlocked, and Luxord entered. Nothing was broken, so it's not breaking and entering. (_Psych_ reference there.)

The room looked as it always had the times when Luxord had entered before. There was room to walk through, but there were dirty (or clean?) articles of clothing on the floor here and there. Axel sure did love his red, no matter what shade (had to have the cliché 'Axel liking red' thing). Although the carpeting was a cream color, the walls were mahogany (brownish red!). The bathroom door was open, so Luxord could tell the tiling was cream, with the same color of wall paint as the rest of Axel's room, and the bathtub was the same color as the floor. The bed, in the far, right corner of the room, was king-sized with mahogany sheets and pillowcases and crimson blankets. There was a TV with video games of all kinds on the left wall. A crimson couch was in the center of the room, facing the television with a glass-top coffee table (with magazines on the glass top) in between that and the couch. A desk was next to the bed. It was actually a very large room (with more furniture than mentioned, in reality), nearly twice the size of Marluxia's. Axel wasn't as good at matching colors as Marluxia was, though.

Luxord walked into the room fully, closing the door behind him. He walked to the coffee table (walking around the clothes on the floor) and looking through the magazines littering the top of it, checking to see if his cards were underneath any of them. They weren't, so he moved on to searching the desk. Nothing. He sat on the bed and thought.

"I was almost sure Axel took them, even though Marluxia said he thought it may have been Xigbar. Maybe it really was Xigbar, then… Or maybe Demyx was right with his… Saïx theory," he twitched a little when he said that, "… I hope not… Best be on my way, then..." he said to himself and started getting up from the bed. As he was getting up, a portal appeared in the center of the room and Axel walked out, brushing what looked like **cake** out of his hair; the sudden portal shocked Luxord and he stumbled back onto the bed. The men looked at each with puzzled expressions for a few seconds before Axel broke the silence.

"Luxord… I'm flattered you feel that way about me, but I'm afraid I can't return the feelings. I don't, after all, have a heart. Besides, you know my door doesn't swing that way," he spoke, a cocky grin plastered on his face.

"O, you bloody liar. You know you've always loved **me**. I notice the way you stare at me when we're in the same room as each other. Although, I'm not here to discuss the way you would feel about me if you had feelings," with the last sentence, he flashed Axel a sly grin, which the redhead raised an eyebrow at.

"Touché. Then why are you in my room? Ya know, I could get you punished by the Superior for this; invading a superior's room. Gasp.Or, I could punish you myself… You said something earlier about being into that kind of stuff…" Axel winked, and laughed at his own perversion.

"No, I said you were into that, if I remember correctly, and you just proved me correct. Thank you." Luxord bowed. He was in a slightly cocky mood today, since it **was** his last pack of cards he was looking for and all.

"Ouch. Okay. I give, you win. Now, why are you here?" Number VIII asked, placing a hand on his hip to show his slight impatience.

"My last pack of cawds has been stolen from me. Demyx said (he thought) you took them, and I had my suspicions as well. I searched your room and found nothing, except for," he looked around the room, " dirty clothing and poor color coordination."

"One, my color coordination is not _that_ bad. Two, what's it matter? I've got more important things to worry about than color coordination and clothes on the floor. They _are_ clean, by the way. And three, if you really want some cards, why don't you just go down the canyon, across the valley, and through the forest of evil, evil trees to the Quikki Mart and buy some new ones? Seems to make more sense to me."

Luxord's eye twitched at this. This was, what? The third time today he'd heard someone ask that. "One, color coordination is everything. It's basically a requirement for being in the Organizaion; RTFM, stupid git. Two, put your clean clothes in your dresser. Three, because the cawds that were stolen from me had sentimental meaning to me. Well, my Other. That's why."

"O… Why are they so important?"Axel inquired.

"My Other killed someone during a game of poker. He was very good at cawds, but the man he was playing against was better. My Other figured out he was cheating and murdered him; collecting the cawds they played with as a souvenir from the event."

"I can see why they're so important to you, then," Axel said and smiled a cocky smile. You know, the smile he usually used in the game. Of course you know! "I don't have your cards, by the way."

"I kind of figured after that suggestion about buying new ones and the inquiry into the importance of the missing deck," the blonde responded. "When I asked Roxas about them, he said you two, Demyx, and Marluxia were going to the Pride Lands to torture monkeys tonight. Is this true?"

"Yeah. It was my idea. I hate monkeys…" Axel now sported a vengeful look on his face. "Well, I hate them as much as a Nobody can hate something. I went to the Pride Lands once and they threw stupid bananas at me. I've hated them ever since. Hmph." He crossed his arms and darkened for a moment, and was then back to his usual self. "Why do you want to know, anyway?"

"I just wanted to go. I'm sick of walking around this bloody castle all day (night), every day (night). I figure that bothering monkeys sounds better than this," he shrugged. "Roxas said he didn't mind, but that I had to ask you, since it was you that decided upon the excursion."

"Ah, yeah. You can come. The more the merrier; which means the more people to torture monkeys; which means the more pissed off the fucking primates will become!" Axel chuckled maliciously, and then stopped and leaned close to Luxord's face, with a completely serious look on his own. "But, you have to promise to keep your undying love for me to yourself. I've told you earlier that I don't like you that way. Plus, it might freak the others out," he said this in an undertone and then smiled.

Luxord pushed him away and then started walking towards the door. He stopped when he got there and turned around. "But, I thought you said it was you that loved me?"

"Whatever. Okay, let's say we both have the same feelings for each other and be done with it. Okay?" Axel compromised.

"No, it's not okay, but I can live with that. By the way, Number VIII, Roxas told me, if I talkd to you, to tell you to go see him. He wants to play some video game with you..."

"O! Yeah! I forgot about that..." the Flurry of Dancing Flames replied. Luxord was about to walk out the door, but turned around one more time before leaving.

"Before I leave, tell me what's in your hair. Is it cake?" Luxord inquired.

"Hell yes, it is. I was eating cake," stated Axel as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"You eat cake with your hair?" the gambler raised an eyebrow at his fellow Organization member.

"I was hungry," the other replied simply, again, then crossed his arms over his chest and acquired an impatient look. "Weren't you **leaving**?"

"Why yes, I was. I will see you later, then. Goodbye," Luxord said, while opening the door and walking out.

"Why the Hell do people ask so many questions about your method for eating cake?" Axel asked no one in particular (since there was no one to ask anyways), and then went to take a shower. This is the part where the fangirls spontaneously combust because of they cannot be in the shower with Axel. Poor girls.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Luxord walked away from Axel's room, and down the stairs to the seventh floor, where Saïx's room was located. He walked cautiously to the door and stared at it for the better part of five minutes. Slowly, he lifted his right hand and knocked on the door, three times. No answer. He knocked a second time, this time it was softer. Still, there was no answer. Because of his great fear of Saïx, Luxord decided to be a proper gentleman and not enter the room, unlike what he did with Axel. After all, it was the afternoon, and Saïx was grumpy in the afternoon. He left the seventh floor and started on his way down to the sixth.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Two figures (that were still shadowy) walked silently down the stairs to the seventh floor.

"O, that silly little British man," said Shadowy Figure One.

"Yes, he'll never find his cards," Shadowy Figure Two agreed.

"Well, at least in fifty-two whole pieces, you mean!" Shadowy Figure One said while nudging Shadowy Figure Two.

They burst into a fit of silent laughter, and then stepped into two separate portals. Saïx then opened his door and leaned his head outside, with a devious, **deeeevious **look on his face. Then he went back inside to make himself a fat-free, sugar-free smoothie.

- - -

Hoorary for the second part! Review if ya feel like it?

I'm sure the characters were out of character, but it's a story. It doesn't really matter. Now, for the teaser.

Will Luxord ever find his cards? Will the identities of the two shadowy figures be revealed? Will Axel put his clothes away and then find a designer to redecorate his room? Do Luxord and Axel really havea secret relationship? Is Luxord really racist against American bands? And will I write about what occurs in the Pride Lands?

Some of these questions will be answered later on, but, unfortunately, not all. Ohhh. Shut down.


	3. Vexen Is a Pain In the Arse

Heh, I had to go check and see where I left off the last time, 'cause I didn't remember. Silly little forgetful me. Thanks for the reviews, they're much appreciated!

**Fuhrer Allie: **Thanks! Though, you can't have his cawds, 'cause they're all mine! Mwahahaha! Ahem… Luxord just doesn't get enough love. pouts

**Takarifan101: **Thanks for faving it, and calling me chap. :D

**Scylla Desdemonia Ophelia: **Any smoothie that Saïx makes is a smoothie of scheming. Thanks. :)

**Ghost in the Mirror: **I tought you were insulting my story at first and I was all like "Awww... tear", but then I read 'awesomeness' and I was all like "Bitch, yes." lol Thank you. :)

Part three! Part three! Who's excited? Raise your hands! This one's a few hundred words shorter than the other two, but whatever. At least I updated.

I was going to actually have Luxord go in Saïx's room or at least talk to him in the last part, but that would have completely thrown the story off. Sorry if there were any disappointments in me not putting much of Saïx in. passes box of tissues to Saïx fangirls

I don't own _Kingdom Hearts._ Hell, I don't even own the game, my brother does, though. But I have played and beat it, and it pissed me off to no end when the Organization members died. pouts They were the best characters, and needed to be in the game more. That way I'd know how to make them act. Riku was pretty cool, too.

I've never played _Chain of Memories_, so sorry if the characters in this part are out of character. **Vexen will end up out of character**, most likely, because I know next to nothing about him. It's your fault, not mine!

* * *

In the last part of this 'epic' Luxord was going down to the sixth floor. The floor where Zexion, The Cloaked Schemer, resides. Or, used to, since he 'died' in _Chain of Memories_. Maybe he's not dead, though? Ooooo. Suspense. On to the story!

_xxxxxxxxxxxxx_

The hero (or at least protagonist) of this story had reached the sixth floor, and was walking over to the door to Zexion's room. He knocked, loudly, three times, because three is his lucky number. A voice came from inside.

"Who's there?" the voice belonged to Zexion, of course. There was something strange about it, though, it sounded a bit different. Number VI didn't sound like his normal bored, 'leave-me-alone' self. He sounded a bit giddy. Could Nobodies even _be _giddy? Apparently so.

"It's Luxord. May I come in?" Luxord (obviously) answered.

"It's open."

Luxord opened the door (which wasn't _really _open, but unlocked) and walked into the room. Sitting on the bed, to the left of the door was Zexion. Luxord walked over to him, and sat down in the chair of the desk, that was to the bed's right. He looked at the short man (he was barely a man, looked like he could have still been a teenager) and saw that he was doing a Sudoku puzzle. He'd just started, and was in… the easy section of the Sudoku book? Why would Zexion do an easy puzzle? He was far too intelligent for that. Maybe he was just bored, but, then again, he was _always _bored.

The man (boy) with silvery-purple hair looked up from his puzzle. "What are you staring at?" Zexion's voice was back to normal. It almost sounded like he was actually saying "Leave me alone" instead of "What are you staring at".

"O. Nothing. Just seeing what you were doing," Luxord replied, shocked out of his thoughts.

"It's not like it should matter to you. You're here. Why? Are you looking for something? Lost more cards? That's the only reason you've ever been in my room, before. Well, other than that time you needed help with a crossword puzzle because you didn't know what the Periodic Table abbreviation for gold was," Zexion spoke, in a monotonous voice and cracked a cocky smile.

"Not knowing the Periodic Table does not make me stupid. Maybe I don't want to be 'friends' with Bill Nye the Science Guy, like you," Luxord said with great sarcasm. Gentlemen can be sarcastic, too. It's all part of their charm, and Luxord is _very _charming. It's all part of his attraction. "And, no, I didn't **lose **my cards. My last pack was **stolen** and I'm trying to find it, or at least who took it."

"I haven't seen your _CAWDS_, and I have no idea who took them or where they might be," Number VI said, with a touch or sarcasm and emphasizing the way Luxord said cards. That's why it's in capitals and italicized. "But I do have some information that might help you," he said, putting his book of Sudoku down. He'd only filled in two squares of his puzzle.

"And what might that be?" Luxord crossed his arms, with a look of interest on his face.

"To get cards, you could go down the canyon, across the valley, and through the forest of evil, evil trees to the Quikki Mart and buy some more," Zexion now had a devious gleam in his left eye and smirk on what was visible of his face.

Luxord twitched. He had been expecting to get information on who might have taken his cards, but this was just unbelievable. "Damn you! Do you know how many times I've heard someone say that today?"

"Four, now?"

"Yes… Four. How did you know?" he asked, curious.

"A guess?" Zexion said blankly.

"Good guess…" Luxord trailed off, then sat in thought for a moment. Zexion eyed him, and then spoke.

"And you're still here, why?"

"O, no reason. Just thinking. I probably should get to Lexaeus's room, then. He's next on my list," Luxord said, while getting up and walking towards the door.

"You won't find him in his room. He's in the gym. Or, at least he was the last time I knew…"

"Alright. I'll remember that. But I should probably check his room just in case…" said Luxord, as he placed his right hand on his chin, while his elbow rested in his left palm. "Thank you, Zexion. For the little bit of help you offered."

"Mmph." Number VI had gotten back to his Sudoku puzzle, by the time Luxord said that. Sensing that his presence was bothering Zexion, he left the room, not hearing the laughter coming from the hallway as he went down the stairs to Lexaeus's room.

_xxxxxxxxxxxxx_

Ignoring what Zexion said about Lexaeus being in the gym, he knocked on Number V's door. Luxord heard heavy footsteps slowly heading for the door, which opened to show Lexaeus's face, looking out, then he opened the door wider and stepped out. The two had always gotten along well.

"Ah, hello Luxord," Lexaeus greeted him. "What are you doing down here?"

"O, you know the usual--looking for my cards," Luxord offered a weary smile. "My last pack has gone missing. Someone stole it while I was sleeping, last night and I've been asking around for it all day (night)."

"I see. How many decks have you lost--I mean, how many decks have been stolen in the last few weeks?"

"Seventeen, including the one from today. It's rather irritating…" Luxord rolled his eyes.

"I would imagine, so. Have you thought about going down the canyon, across the valley, and through the forest of evil, evil trees to the Quikki Mart to buy some more?" Lexaeus suggested.

Luxord patted him on the shoulder. "Lexaeus, if you weren't one of the people that I get along with well in this bloody castle, I would have hit you for that." X smiled, and V gave him a slightly confused look. "So what have you been up to, lately?" Luxord asked casually. Small talk.

"Nothing much…" The Silent Hero said and scratched his shoulder. "I just started a book a few minutes before you got here; I just got back from the gym." He didn't look sweaty, though he probably had a light workout and he _did _say it was _a _few minutes ago.

"Interesting. Is it another book on physical sciences or geography? Maybe archaeology?"

"Actually, lately, I've taken up interest in fiction. The book I'm currently starting is called _Dante's Inferno._ It's a very long poem, about the seven layers of Hell and everything in between. Rather interesting," Lexaeus explained to the younger Nobody. Luxord (along with Zexion) was one of the few people that could get Lexaeus actually talking. He _was _called The Silent Hero after all, and didn't talk much.

"_Sounds _interesting. But I prefer cards over reading, so I must be off. Have to find who took them."

"Good luck on that search, Luxord," Lexaeus said, and then stepped back into his room.

"Well that almost had no use…" Luxord muttered to himself before setting off down the stairs to the fourth floor, where Vexen's room was.

_xxxxxxxxxxxxx_

Yes, now Luxord is outside of Vexen's door. And he knocked on it. And he knocked again. And he knocked again. There was no answer any of the times. He knew that Axel most likely wouldn't have minded if he entered into the redhead's room, but Vexen he wasn't so sure of, so he knocked again. Finally, someone called from inside.

"What… do you want?" it was Vexen (surprise, surprise), and he seemed kind of pissed off.

"It's Luxord. Can I come in?" Luxord didn't exactly answer the question, but he didn't really care. If Vexen wasn't going to be a gentleman first, he himself didn't have to be a _complete _gentleman back.

"Whatever…"

Luxord entered the room, the cold air conditioning hitting his body and making him shiver slightly, then he noticed Vexen had been performing an experiment (that we shall not go into detail about) in his room. Number X wondered why he didn't just do it in the lab. By the look of things, and Vexen, Luxord could tell he'd been working on this for awhile, maybe even over night. Materials used in the experiment were somewhat messy, but not as messy as Vexen appeared. His normally pretty, straight sandy-blonde hair looked unkempt, as though it hadn't been brushed all night or the current day (night). Vexen himself looked tired and had dark circles under his eyes.

"Vexen, did you stay up all night working on something?" Luxord queried (that means 'asked', the author used a big word crowd cheers).

"Yes."

"Why didn't you do it in the lab? There's probably more materials to use _and _better equipment down there?" Luxord asked, incredulously.

"It's none of your concern as to where or how my experiments are performed…" Vexen stated, closing his eyes indignantly, and turning away from Luxord to clean off the equipment in his room that were used in the experiment.

"Alright… Well, I was just here to ask if you've seen a deck of cards of mine. You see--"

"Yes, I already know. Somebody stole them from you and you're looking for them," Vexen cut in.

"That's right. You seen 'em?"

"No. And as you can most likely guess, I didn't take them, either. As I've been too busy locked up in my room all night, performing an experiment."

"Well, okay…" Luxord said, quietly.

"Now, if you'll leave my room and leave me alone, I have to finish this. Besides, I'm sure it'd be much easier for you to get your ignorant, British self down the canyon, across the valley, and through the forest of evil, evil trees to the Quikki Mart to buy some new cards, instead of asking everyone around the castle like you always do when they go missing. Leave."

"If you weren't my higher-up I'd threaten you," Luxord unknowingly threatened Vexen.

"Yes, whatever. Now leave. I'm too busy to talk to underlings such as yourself." And with that, Vexen pushed Luxord to the door and then out it.

"Bloody Hell… Vexen can be a real pain in the arse when he's cranky… Maybe he needs some Midol… I'll have to tell Larxene he needs some after I find my cards…" Luxord said to himself and then laughed, setting off for the third floor. The two shadowy figures we've seen before now appeared on the stairs that lead from the fifth floor to the fourth, and laughed at Luxord's comment, instead of to themselves, this time.

"That Luxord guy is a real card," one of the figures said to the other. They both started laughing even harder. Who knew that either of them _could _laugh, in the first place?

* * *

And that is the third chapter. I guess none of the questions at the bottom of the second part were answered in this. O well. I think there may only be two parts after this one. The second part was better, but that's life. 

Review, pwease. (author chibifies) How can you resist a chibi asking you to review?


	4. Double You Tee Eff?

I got lazy and didn't start this right away. Hopefully I get it out soon. This may be the last chapter, depending whether I wanna split this into two or not. Unless I do a mini-sequel that shows what happens in the Pride Lands. lol That could turn out amusing.

**Ghost in the Mirror:** Nah, people just don't like him because they're too buys fantasizing about Axel and Roxas in bed together. Which is kinda creepy, in my opinion. :D

**Takarifan101: **But if he just got more cards, there would be no point to this story and I wouldn't get lovely reviews from wonderful users such as yourself. ;)

I wish I owned _Kingdom Hearts_, but, alas, I don't. Here's chapter four.

And if anyone wants a good Luxord fic, I'll list two below that I like. Since there are so few, and all.

**True Magic** by Luc Court. Definitely the best on the site, in my opinion. It's serious, not funny.

**Playing for Keeps **by MidnightWhisper7. Tells the story of how Jack Sparrow gets cursed.

**This chapter was inspired by _Hollaback Girl _by Gwen Stefani. Ya know, except it wasn't.**

**

* * *

**

Luxord was walking down the third floor, last time we left off. Going to see Xaldin, he was.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

The Gambler of Fate (o yeah, nifty nickname) walked to the door of The Whirlwind Lancer's (another nifty nickname) room. He could hear Beethoven's _Für Elise _playing on the other side. Regardless of the relaxing classical piano music, he knocked on the door.

"Come in," said a deep voice with an accent (that was not as prominent as Luxord's) from the other side of the door.

Luxord entered Xaldin's room. The floor was made of white marble, and the walls were also white. The room was rounded on the left wall and there was pillars nine going along the curve. In between each of the pillars hung black tapestries with the Nobody symbol in white on every one. On the curved wall were bookcases, many bookcases, containing all the popular novels and nonfiction books from Shakespearian times to the present. In the center of the room was a black piano on top of a black rug (with white trim and a white Nobody symbol in the center). Xaldin was currently playing at the piano. On the right side was a large bed with black sheets and blankets. At the back of the room, set slightly off to the right, there was a sitting area, with two black couches, one L-shaped, and a black armchair. In between the rectangle made by the furniture was a square, black framed coffee table with a glass top. There were white roses, fresh from Marluxia's garden, in a black vase in the center of the table. A white door, to the right of the sitting area, led to Xaldin's personal bathroom. Between the back corner of the right wall and the bed was a black cabinet with glass panes, and it held white ceramic dishes and silverware and glass cups. To the right of the door was a desk, with a black metal chair, with black pads underneath the legs, so as not to scratch the marble. On the right wall, before the bed, was a black dresser with twelve drawers. Yes, Xaldin really did live in style; Luxord liked his room the most out of anyone's, even his own.

Unlike in most stories written by fan girls, Xaldin is not a complete dolt with the intelligence of a gorilla. In fact, like in the game, Number III is quite intelligent. He enjoys reading, very much, and likes to play classical pieces on his piano. His favorite composer is Beethoven and his favorite piece is _Für Elise, _which he is currently playing, despite Luxord's interruption and walking into the room.

"Hello Luxord."

"Hello Xaldin," he bowed politely to his superior, he is, after all, a gentleman and respects Xaldin. "Can you guess why it is that I'm here. Vexen was able to, so I'm not really sure if I should explain my cause to you, too. Especially if you already figure what it is."

Xaldin looked up from his piano, without stopping his playing. The piano was at an angle to the door, so Luxord could see Xaldin's hands racing along the keys of the piano, releasing his favorite piece from the confines of the piano. O. That was so poetic. "Well, I have an idea," was all he said.

"What is the idea?" Luxord smirked.

"Your guessing games aren't amusing," Xaldin replied curtly. "I have the idea that you are here because another deck of your cawds has gone missing, am I not correct?" Yes, Xaldin says 'cards' the same way as Luxord does, except with less of an accent. Boom.

"No, you're correct. I've been looking for them all day," the blonde stated.

"I'm sure that's been enjoyable."

"You have no idea just _how _enjoyable. I originally had the idea that it was Demyx or Axel, but Demyx said he didn't and that he didn't like being blamed and that I _always _blamed him," Luxord rolled his eyes, "And then he said Axel did it, as if he knew. Demyx never knows ,though. I went to Axel's room, he wasn't there at first, so I searched his room. I found nothing. Then he showed up and and I had a long, drawn-out conversation with him.'

"Marluxia said Xigbar seemed excited today (tonight), when I talked to him. I haven't been down to see Number II, though, so maybe there's still hope that I'll get them back before they're destroyed…" Luxord rubbed his chin and had his right elbow resting in his left palm. He had taken 'the position of contemplation'. "Do you think Xigbar may have taken them?"

"He might have," Xaldin said, ending _Für Elise, _then turing in his chair to face Luxord. "It seems like something he'd do."

"Have you seen him?"

"No. I've only left my room once and that was for breakfast. He wasn't in the kitchen when I was down there," The Whirlwind Lancer stated.

"O…" Speaking of breakfast, Luxord felt the empty pit that was his stomach. He was so determined to find his cards that he hadn't eaten anything all day (night). In fact, he was pretty sure his stomach had already digested itself and was moving on to his liver.

"Luxord… why do you have that look on your face?"

"My stomach hurts."

"Pussy."

"If you weren't my superior, I'd tell you to shut up. I haven't eaten anything yet today (tonight). Been too distracted looking for my bloody cawds," he replied to Xaldin's insult, and then rubbed his stomach, or where it used to be, as the stomach acid _had _in fact moved onto his liver. Not really.

"Yes, and if you did tell me to shut up you'd get a spear through your left lung," Xaldin said, a smug expression on his face. "I'm afraid you've wasted your time here. I have some advice to offer you, though, if you want it."

Number X crossed his arms. Why did he have a funny feeling that he know what was coming? "And what's that?" he asked with a sigh.

"Go down the canyon, across the valley, through the forest of evil, evil trees and to the Quikki Mart and buy new ones. With the way things go around here, the ones you're looking for will be in bad condition, if you _do _get them back, so it's worthless to keep looking."

"Somehow, I knew that was coming," Luxord sighed again. "And, with how my day (night's) gone so far, I'm starting to get the idea that I should have listened to Roxas about that in the first place." He hung is head and started walking back towards the door.

"Yes, you should have. Have fun with the rest of your search." Xaldin laughed at him and then started playing again. Luxord exited and started trudging down the stairs to the second floor.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

The two shadowy, laughing figures were on break at the time of this scene, so, instead, the author decided to substitute Marluxia and Axel.

Axel shifted nervously and then cleared his throat. Marluxia stood with his arms crossed, resting his weight on his right foot and staring at the white ceiling of the white hallway.

"So, Marly, this place sure is white…"

"Don't call me Marly. I hate you. Burn in Hell."

Axel gave Marluxia 'the finger' while he was busy staring at the ceiling. The two then portaled out, back to their rooms.

Interesting.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Luxord finished his trudging and was currently outside the door to Number II, The Freeshooter, XIGBAR's room. Is Freeshooter two words? Author doesn't know, so she wrote it like that. He knocked on the door, but there was no answer. He knocked again, and still no answer. Does this happen to him a lot, or what? He decided to enter, since Xigbar wasn't as mean as Saïx and probably wouldn't mind as much. He entered the room.

"Hey, Xigbar. Are you here?" Luxord called to his superior. "I have something important to ask you…"

He looked around the room. Yes, the author is going to describe another room to the reader. This room was even larger than Xaldin's. There was dark grey carpeting with walls of a little bit lighter grey. In the center of the room was a sitting area, consisting of an L-shaped couch, a love seat, and an armchair. They were all black leather; Luxord guessed it was a set. They were in a box with a big screen, plasma television completing one side of it; in other words the couch faced the TV (with the little stub, it being L-shaped at and all, pointing in the direction of the TV), with the armchair between the 'stub' and the TV, and the loveseat across from the armchair. In between them all was a glass top, black table, similar to the one in Xaldin's room. Several items were on top, like **dirrrrrrty **magazines. **Not **_really_.

On the left wall was the bathroom, and Xibar's own kitchen? WTF? Why'd he need a kitchen? He barely even knew how to cook, as far as Luxord knew. The tiling in the kitched was black, along with the fridge, and the cupboards, too, and the counter top. The back of the room had an overly large window with black curtains. On the right wall, in the back corner was Number II's bed, which had black sheets and blankets. This guy sure did like black, didn't he? There was a black dresser and desk along the right wall. Xigbar had a small second floor to his room, with a staircase (with black railing) on either side of the room, leading up. The second floor mainly covered the back half of the room, but had a catwalk that wrapper around the rest of the room. The whole second floor and catwalk had black railing, the same as the staircase. _How unfair, _thought Luxord.

Having looked around the room (ignoring the second floor), he saw no sign of Xigbar and decided to go through his things. He looked through the dresser and desk first but found nothing. He was about to go upstairs when he remembered the coffee table. Luxord walked over to it and noticed something… A pack of cards was on the table. He went picked up the deck and inspected the box it was in; he saw the familiar bloody fingerprint on the back and the few drops of blood that got on the pack when he cut that bastard's throat. _That's what he got for cheating… What a splendid day that was…_ Luxord thought fondly.

He heard a noise upstairs and looked up at the railing of the second floor where he saw Xigbar, looking down at him.

"You stole my bloody cawds, you bastuhd!" Luxord yelled, pointing at Xigbar with an enraged expression on his face.

"Whoa ho ho…" Xigbar put up his hands in a defensive manner. "Hold on with your accusations there, _old bean_. I didn't take your cards."

"Then what the Hell are they doing in your room?" Luxord had lost his gentlemanly composure. "You had to have taken them!"

"As if!" Xigbar's 'surfer-dude' accent was showing through. (Had to find a way to put the 'as if' in there.) "I found those this morning in the snack machine downstairs in the lobby."

"Double you tee eff."

"Yeah, I thought the exact same thing!" Xigbar said, enthusiastically. "I was trying to get some gummi bears outta the machine, when I saw your stupid cards were in front of them. Then I was all like 'Um, no. Those shouldn't be there…'. Then I decided to be a nice guy and was all like 'Luxy's probably looking for these, or will be later. I should get them for him.' "

"Okay… Well, why didn't you just return them to me, then?" Luxord inquired. "Wait! You call me '_Luxy'_ in your head?" Luxord raised his eyebrow at that.

"Yeah, so what if I do? But, anyways, it's not like returning something to you is the most important thing on my _To Do List_. I'm redecorating my room! See? That stuff down there didn't used to be there. Remember? My room used to look as bad as Axel's! Then, Xemnas made me read the manual, _and _sent me through some kind of interior design course at some college or something somewhere… He said that being color-coordinated was a very important part of being a Nobody and being able to live in Castle Oblivion…" Xigbar said, thoughtfully.

"That doesn't mean you couldn't have opened a portal to my room, dropped off my cards, and then done your stupid redecorating."

"Hey, dude, I've got my priorities and if you can't accept that, then I can't accept you!"

Luxord gave Xigbar a d 'WTF?' kind of look. "Well then. Do you have any idea who could have done this? It wasn't Axel, that's for sure. I searched his room already. Demyx didn't, he was offended when I blamed him. Marluxia and Larxene wouldn't… Roxas wouldn't. All his ideas come from Axel…and I already went over the part where I said that he couldn't have done it…" Luxord said, thoughtfully, as he listed the members off.

"And **I **didn't do it. I already told you where I found them!"

"Yes, Xigbar, that's why I'm not counting you."

"Well that's good. What about Zexion?"

"Tch. No. Practical jokes are definitely not what the boy's into. He'd be too busy in his room, reading or brooding or playing Sudoku……………………." Luxord stopped, suddenly. "Yes! That's it! I know who did it, Xigbar!" said Number X, excitedly, like he was some character in a mystery novel or something that just solved the mystery.

"Who did it! Who did it!" Xigbar said, running down the stairs, and jumping up and down with Luxord.

"It was--" Luxord was then cut off by manical laughter that he and Xigbar heard coming from the hallway. They looked at the door, walked over to it, opened it… to reveal two shadowy figures, laughing they're arses off.

Apparently those two were **not **on a coffee break anymore.

* * *

And that, is the end of this part. Ooooooooo… Suspense. Cliffhangers! Don't ya love it? I do. I realized that I couldn't type up the ending in only one part, especially with two members' rooms left to check.

Next, possibly last, chapter, some of those questions from the second part will be answered. _Finally!_

Review, pwease? (author chibifies, again) If you do, I'll send you a neat little Zexion chibi to your e-mail! Or a Marly one. **IF **you request them. How can you resist Organization member chibis? lol :D I shouldn't try to bribe people. It doesn't work. laughs at self

O, sorry about the out of characterness there at the end. I found it amusing, though. Writing Xigbar was so much fun! Maybe I should have made a fic about him… Or maybe I'll do a one-shot with him in the future, after all, I don't regret writing a Luxord story. It's fun. Until next part! Which will hopefully be out tomorrow, or Saturday.


	5. Epic Battle to the Death

Mmph. Chapter five. Where we finally find out who took the cards. And maybe even why they ended up in a snack machine… lmao That part just made me laugh really hard, well, the conversation about it did. Jeez, and I'm the one writing the story.

**The White Raven013: **Thanks for the review. Glad you liked the chibis. :)

**Takarifan101: **As always, thanks for the review.

**Maux: **Yes, I left Xemnas out on purpose. Mainly because I don't really picture him living in Castle Oblivion and because he'd have to stop what happens later in the chapter, if everything goes by the plot in my head. Sorry if you really wanted to see him in there. I agree, the Organization didn't get enough face time in the game.

**Scylla Desdemonia Ophelia: **Your review made me laugh so hard. I'm more for Australian accents, myself, but British accents are a close second. :D

**Lily Vendrem: **Close. And I actually considered making it that, up until the last minute, which was a few minutes ago.

**If any of you wanted a chibi, send me an e-mail or a message or something saying so, and I'll send you one in an e-mail.**

I wish I owned _Kingdom Hearts _and the characters in it, but, alas, I don't. (pouts)

**Warning: **There will be out of characterness in this episode, and a lot of it. And, I'm not good at ending things, so sorry if this sucks and you don't like it.

**This chapter was inspired by the song _Snakes On A Plane (Bring It)_ by Cobra Starship. Well, not really, but that song effing rocks! William Beckett is so cute, not hott, cute.**

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At this point, Luxord has gotten his cards back from Xigbar, who did not steal them. He got them out of a snack machine. Luxord has just figured out 'who dunnit' when he and Xigbar heard maniacal laughter outside of Number II's room. They opened the door to see two shadowy figures that we've seen before.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

When Luxord and Xigbar came out of the room, the two shadowy figures starting laughing even harder. Although he couldn't see their faces, The Gambler of Fate knew exactly who they were.

"Stop your laughing, it isn't that funny!" roared the blonde.

"O, no, it's pretty funny…" Shadowy Figure 1 said, stopping his dying laughter to breathe.

"Yeah, you searching all day (night) just to find your precious 'CAWDS'," chimed in Shadowy Figure 2. "You didn't even have to come this far down the tower to really get them."

"Yes, I figured that out, about a minute and twelve seconds ago." Luxord had regained his gentlemanly composure.

"Oooo, the man who controls time knows exactly how long ago it was," he was mocked by Shadowy Figure 1, whom he would have thought was Axel if he didn't already know whom it was. "Congratulations for solving 'The Mystery of the Missing Cards', I think you're ready to join the cast of _Scooby Doo_."

"O, shut your bloody trap. There weren't exactly _clues _as to who would have stolen them. Well, at least not until I visited your rooms," Luxord smirked. "And why would you put my cards in a snack machine, anyways?"

"Yeah, I was wondering the same thing!" Xigbar said, after having been silent since the beginning of the chapter.

Shadowing Figure 1 placed his hand on his chin in his 'thinking position' and Shadowy Figure 2 looked at him. "Actually, I don't really know. I just thought it'd be funny!" said Shadowy Figure 1.

"And really, we were hoping that Larxene or Axel would find them, since we knew they'd destroy them. In reality, we didn't figure Xigbar would even be down in the lobby, or that he'd be so… different since his interior decorating classes…" explained Shadowy Figure 2.

"Well you thought wrong, Mr. E-nigma!" Xigbar said all cocky-like.

"You know, Xigbar, you don't have to call him that," Number X told the graying surfer-dude-guy.

"Why? Who is it?" Xigbar was stumped.

"The one you called 'Mr. Enigma' is Lexaeus, and the short one is Zexion."

"I'm not short!"

"As if! They wouldn't pull a prank like this!" said the unbelieving Freeshooter.

"O, but it is them." After saying that, Luxord walked over to the pair of shadowy figures and pulled them into the light.

Xigbar gasped. "But why? And how did you know, Luxord?"

"I knew because of when I visited Zexion's room. He sounded semi-giddy when I first knocked on his door, and I had to wonder about that, because, let's face it, Zexion is _never _giddy. But when I went into his room and I talked to him, that's when he unknowingly told me who it was."

"O, and how did I do that?" queried the now unshady-Zexion sarcastically.

"Your bloody Sudoku puzzle. You were just starting it, and you were in the easy section of your book. You _never _do the easy section. I know this because you laughed at Demyx and called him stupid for doing an easy word search; you said that only children and idiots do the easy puzzles. Another way I figured it out was, because you couldn't concentrate on your puzzle. You only filled in two of the little boxes the whole time I was in the room with you."

"You're just too clever, Luxord. It must be your British charm," Zexion said with sarcasm evident in his voice.

Luxord flashed him an award-winning smile. "Yes, I _am _quite charming, aren't I?"

"But that doesn't explain everything! How did you, like, know he was Lexaeus?" Number II asked.

"Yes, how did you figure that out?" asked Lexaeus.

Luxord began his second explanation of the chapter. "Well, first of all, when I said I was gonna go down to Lexaeus's room or whatever I said, Zexion said he'd be in the gym. But how would Zexion know, when he's _never _in the gym, himself? Ooo, that's my smart British mind for ya." Luxord tapped his forehead and smirked; Zexion crossed his arms and Xigbar just rolled his eyes, while Lexaeus stood there, playing the role of The Silent Hero very well. "When I went to Lexaeus's, he was there, not in the gym, and he didn't even look like he'd come back from it; he wasn't sweating, wasn't tired out, just fine. In fact, he'd _started _a book, just like Zexion had _started _a puzzle."

"Very good, Luxord, I think we should start calling you Sherlock Holmes from now on," said a very sarcastic Zexion.

"Yeah, maybe you should… We're both British," Luxord replied.

"Well, whatever." Xigbar shrugged. "I still don't get why you two did it," he said, pointing his fingers at Zexion and Lexaeus.

"Ehm. I just did it because Zexion asked me to help him," Lexaeus replied, shuffling his feet.

"My reasoning is very simple," Number VI started. "Everyone always makes fun of me and plays stupid jokes on me. No one ever thinks I'd do anything. And…" he seethed, "_everyone calls me short_! I am _not _**that _short_**!"

"Actually, Zex, ya kinda are," Xigbar pointed out.

"Shut up! I don't even care--"

"Well, you must care if you're throwing a bloody fit about it like an itty bitty baby," Luxord smirked.

"Ugh! I hate you! No one understands me!" Zexion started into an emo-induced rage. Sorry Zexion fans. The author actually really does like Zexion. (A lot. She draws him all the time.)

"…" Lexaeus remained silent and just stared at Zexion, then placed his hand on his shoulder to still him. "Zexion, you really need to calm down… Do your breathing exercises."

"Okay… Breathe in… and out… In… out…"

While Zexion and Lexaeus were distracted, Luxord turned to Xigbar. "Hey, Xigbar, what do you say about an 'epic battle to the death' to get back at them. I mean, they did try to frame you for stealing my cawds," Luxord raised his eyebrow.

"As if! We both know they didn't plan on framing me, but I'm all for an epic battle!" Xigbar and Luxord turned to the two retired shadowy figures and approached them slowly, evil grins on their faces. Lexaeus noticed them first and nudged Zexion again, disrupting his breathing exercises.

"…and o--what? What are you two grinning about……?" asked Zexion.

**EPIC BATTLE TO THE DEATH ENSUED! **This epic battle actually consisted of Zexion getting hung by his cloak on a coat rack that just so happened to be hanging in the hallway. Lexaeus was tied to the coat rack by his feet; him being so tall and all, he was actually halfway lying on the floor. His hands were also tied up, so that he couldn't untie his feet, but had to wait until someone walked by and helped. Most members of the Organization wouldn't help, though; they'd stop and laugh for a few minutes and then leave.

"Dammit! I hate you guys! I'm going to fucking kill you!" Zexion shrieked as Xigbar and Luxord walked down the stairs to the lobby. He then started laughing maniacally. "You guys are just mad because, I, Zexion, The Cloaked Schemer have outsmarted you! Mwahahahahahahaha! You'll never underestimate Number VI again! I am superior to both o--!" Zexion was then kicked in the head by Lexaeus and knocked unconscious. Yay Lexaeus!

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Luxord and Xigbar were walking down the stairs to the lobby, trying their very hardest to ignore Zexion and his creepy laughing, his screaming, and his acting like an emo kid.

"What a day…"

"Totally. I can't believe it was Zexion and Lexaeus, though. Demyx, Roxas, and Axel, yeah, I'd believe that. But _those two?_ Wow, some weird shit happens in this castle…" Xigbar went on. "Never would have expected that Zexion has the ability to _scream, either_."

"I know what you mean. That kid's wicked crazy," they laughed. "So, Xigbar, ya wanna go down the canyon, across the valley, and through the forest of evil, evil trees to the Quikki Mart to get an entirely fat-free, sugar-free smoothie with me, to cool down from that 'epic battle to the death'?"

"As if! I don't want a fat-free, sugar-free smoothie! That's Saïx's bag, not mine. But I would like an ice cream cone! So, what are we waiting for?"

Luxord and Xigbar then, set off down the canyon, across the valley, and through the forest of evil, evil trees to the Quikki Mart and had themselves their dairy treats.

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Did you guys really think you I'd let you read an entire chapter without putting in the Quikki Mart thing? Tch, no.

There will be an epilogue, with some stuff at the Quikki Mart and possibly what happened when Axel and his band of merry miscreants went to the Pride Lands.

Tell me how it was, if ya want.


	6. Epilogue: Quikki Mart and Pride Lands

Ah ha. The Epilogue. Damn, I've don't a lot of typing this past week, and my wrists hurt; fans of the story, you're lucky that I enjoyed writing it and had an ending thought out, otherwise it never would have finished, or even gotten on the way to getting finished.

**To the Reviewers: **Many thanks. I really appreciated your comments on the story and enjoyed reading what you guys had to say.

I was watching _The Shining _while writing this. That is a truly magical movie. Really. Jack Nicholson plays a wonderful psychopath. I've been trying to get my hands on the book for months, but I guess I'll just have to resort to buying it; which wouldn't really bother me in the least.

Don't own _Kingdom Hearts, _although it's a nice dream.

**Sorry **for the out of characterness in the chapter.

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Luxord and Xigbar have just gone down the canyon, across the valley, and through the forest of evil, evil trees to the Quikki Mart. They've just ordered and received their delicious, frozen dairy treats and are sitting down at a table in the dining section of the Quikki Mart, which is like a mini mall. The Quikki Mart is a mini mall? Who would've known. And here is where we join our heroes.

(The author thinks the design made by the X's is pretty.)

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Luxord and Xigbar pulled up chairs at a table in a secluded corner of the dining area of the Quikki Mart, because they don't really like the locals. They're kind of creepy.

"So, how can you eat that stuff?" Xigbar asked. "I mean, dude, it's, like, totally sugar-free. Like most other people, I can endure fat-free, but sugar-free? Man, that shouldn't even be legal."

Luxord sipped his delicious (even it is both sugar- and fat-free) smoothie through a straw. "Unlike you with your stick thin body and super-powered metabolism, I gain weight. Plus, my doctor says I should lay off the sugar, otherwise I could develop high-blood sugar **which causes diabetes**."

"Dude, if you keep drinking shit like that you're gonna end up with _low_-blood sugar," Xigbar remarked with a grin. Luxord looked up from his smoothie.

"Hmph. At least it's healthy for me, and it tastes good. It's sweetened with Splenda™, which is made from su--"

"Shiiiiiiit," The Freeshooter cut in rudely.

"No, gahddemmit! It's made from _sugar._ I mean, I could be damaging my body by eating fatty ice cream, like yourself," Luxord rolled his eyes and looked at Xigbar who was in mid-lick on his vanilla ice cream cone when Luxord said that.

"Hey, man, I'm not damaging my body. Ice cream," he took this time to point at his cone, "is loaded with calcium and iron and whatever else. It's _gotta _be good for me."

"Ice cream doesn't have iron, it has B-vitamins in it." The blonde rolled his eyes again.

"Well, whatever. It's not like I care. All I know is that it's good for me." Xigbar then took a rather large bite off the top of his ice cream cone and smirked at his current traveling companion.

"It's only half-good for you."

"Whatever, dude, I still like it. Doesn't matter to me; shouldn't matter to **any **Nobody, for that matter. And besides, ice cream is kickin'."

"'Kickin'? Is that part of your 'accent', too?" Luxord asked with a touch of sarcasm, while waggling his fingers when he said 'accent'.

"What do you mean by my 'accent'?" Xigbar raised an eyebrow and took a bite of his ice cream.

"O, you know, it's not a _real _accent. I mean, you're just talking like some **surfer**. That's no accent."

"Okay, _chap, _just because you and Xaldin have foreign, British or whatever accents, doesn't make my accent fake!" Xigbar was actually getting offended; well, about as offended as anyone without a heart can get.

"Whatever, _dude, _you're like, what? Forty-three and you talk like you're Demyx's age! Drop it! Start acting like a mature adult," Luxord said, trying to get Xigbar to act like him: a gentleman.

"Yeah, like you're mature… it was your idea to hang Zexion on that coat rack…" the older man mumbled.

"Hmm?" Luxord asked while sipping his smoothie.

"Nothing, just said my accent wasn't fake," he lied. "But, if you wanna talk about **fake**, check out Saïx's hair. No way is that his natural hair color."

Luxord started laughing, and then choking on his smoothie. "Yes, I know what you mean. He _has _to dye it."

At this time, Larxene walked by for some reason or another, and started laughing. They gave her a funny look.

"What are you laughing for, biaaaaaatch?" Xigbar asked her, emphasizing the 'a'.

"Don't call me that!" she yelled and threw a kunai at him. He ducked and it him some nameless guy, behind him, in the throat. At that point, the man started choking for breath and clutching at his neck. He pulled the knife out of his neck and started bleeding all over the place, but passers-by just ignored him. The man died and the only response to his death was a message over the P.A. system saying 'Clean up team needed in the food court'. "And I was laughing about how gay you two look and sound."

Xigbar and Luxord looked to each other with blank expressions on their faces for about seven seconds, and then burst out laughing. "O, dear, Larxene, why do we look that way to you?" asked the blonde.

"You two were talking about someone's hair color. And you're sitting across from each other, like a couple."

"O, yeah, Saïx, dude. There's no way his natural hair color is blue! And it's better than us sitting next to each other."

Larxene laughed and pulled up a chair between the two of them. "That's something I can agree with," said The Savage Nymph, as she reached over and took Luxord's smoothie.

"You filthy harlot, give that back!" he yelled at her. It's **Larxene **that he's talking to, he doesn't have to be a gentleman to her. He reached over and tried to take it back from her, but she started drinking it before he could get a hold of it.

"Ugh--O my--Eew! What the fuck are you drinking?" she asked, as she gave the smoothie back to Luxord with a look of utter distaste on her face.

"Our _Bri'ish _friend here drinks fat- and sugar-free smoothies," Xigbar explained to her.

"Damn, Luxord, you're even more of a girl than Marluxia."

"The only reason I drink my smoothies like that is because I'm trying to avoid high-blood sugar. My doctor says to, and weren't we talking about something else, _before _we got onto the subject of my eating habits?"

"Yeah, Saïx's hair is dyed," responded the Freeshooter. "Axel's is proba--Hey! Bitch!" Larxene had just taken his ice cream and now sported an evil grin, while eating it. "That is so not even cool--and it's kind of gross! I licked that!"

"Still tastes good."

"Come on, Larxene… he's old and gross. Do you really want his spit in your mouth, it's practically frenching him…" Luxord said to her, and Xigbar raised his eyebrow. The conversation went on with little squabbles like this and they talked more about who else dyed their hair, or who used too much hair gel, or who had the best whatever. Despite how they look on the outside, the Organization is really just a big happy family. They're like children, that fight and beat each other and throw sharp objects at each other, for revenge (and sometimes fun). A big, happy, dysfunctional family.

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**The Pride Lands**

**The Setup: **Axel is setting the jungle part of the oasis on fire and laughing maniacally at the monkeys. Demyx is over flooding the pool part of the oasis, while Marluxia whines about burning the foliage. Roxas sits on the top of the cliff (ya know, with the waterfall flowing off of it) with Luxord, playing Go Fish. Down below, the two can year Axel yelling at the monkeys.

"Yahaha, that's right! Burn, motherfuckers! That's what you get for throwing bananas at me! Die! Burn!"

"Axel, settle down!" Demyx yelled at him.

"Jeez, Axel sure does get worked up over burning things…" Roxas sighed. "Got any twos?"

"Go fish. Yes. They're just monkeys. They probably didn't mean anything by throwing the bananas at him. Do you have any aces?" Roxas handed over both his aces, and Luxord laid his remaining cards down. "I win."

"You _always _win," Roxas said. "I don't even know why I bothered playing. I should be helping them torture the monkeys."

"Yeah, that's what this whole 'field trip' was for, torturing the monkeys."

"So, what are you gonna do when you get back home? Start a new card collection?"

"That's _exactly _what I'm going to do. This pack, though, I'm going to keep in a locked case, with unbreakable glass, on display, bolted to my desk." Luxord smiled, and then his jaw dropped at what he saw.

"Axel set the jungle on fire! Run! Run away!" Demyx yelled as he ran towards them.

"I'm going to fucking kill you! I told you to control your fire! But no! You set the goddamn trees on fire! And no one's going to be able to help them, now, either! You bastard!" Luxord could tell that was Marluxia, the flower-obsessed fruit.

"Shut the fuck up! I didn't know jungles would burn so well! The plants aren't dry!" Axel.

Roxas opened a portal leading back to Castle Oblivion, and everyone ran in, back to safety. Luxord's dysfunctional family. Yes. He (sort of) liked them all. But he'd be damned if he was going to let the next person that stole any of his cawds survive.

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**The End.**

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Yes. Sadly, this is the end. I may write in the future, but I can't guarantee anything will be as good as this.


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